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Twitter Success Story... Kind of [Mar. 24th, 2010|05:28 am]
[Current Mood |crazycrazy]

@mitathehermette: I always feel so slutty when I wear chapstick

@katConfidential: Which flavor?

@mitathehermette: classic cherry kind. Makes me feel like I have fresh hymen juice on my lips

@katConfidential: Oh cherry? Definitely whorish.

@mitathehermette: I just giggled and hacked up my lung like an experienced hooker with ball juice lubricating her throat would laugh. Thanks!

@katConfidential: hahahahahhaha christ.... That was the most gag-invoking, detailed depiction of fluids I've ever had the misfortune to read.


In other whorish news, my voice is all phlegmy and jacked up because I've been sick for the past few days. At work tonight, I received a call from a usual older perv who didn't recognize me and didn't go into his sleazy routine because he thought I was someone else. HA HA HA! Mr. Pervert didn't get to get his rocks off since my 9 year old voice was missing.

Other work news involves ME getting my rocks off every time I bust someone trying to sneak into the hotel for warmth or food when they don't belong here. I don't know why, but I like giving them a warm friendly smile and then asking for their room key...AND THEN saying in a friendly voice "Sorry, I can't let you go up if you don't have a room key or know the name of the person in the room that you know." The shattered look on their face is GREAT! I feel like a hunter that is able to shoot his target bam splat between the eyes, brains flying everywhere! It's that satisfying ^_^

I haven't been up to much other than working and taking pictures...lots of picture of birds on wires and tree branches against the early morning sky. Maybe I'll post some some time soon. I joined a calendar picture website thingy... not dailybooth... it's a website where you can post pictures of anything and it encourages you to be artsy. The name escapes me at the moment!
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Sneezing Nipples [Feb. 22nd, 2010|04:45 am]
[Current Location |Work in Seattle]
[Current Mood |pensivepensive]
[Current Music |80s musaq]

While at work tonight, I sneezed something fierce. As usual, my nipples instantly got all hard. This has made me think about why this happens.

Reason 1: My nipples have little mouths and noses that sneeze when I do. This means that they have air escaping from them just like my nose/mouth does when I sneeze. I bet if I were lactating they'd spew forth a mist of breast milk! The reason they become erect is because the nipples' cheeks sorta blow out from the violent sneeze and air gets trapped in the cheeks for a few moments.

Reason 2: My nipples are actually little human balloons that get blown open when I sneeze(maybe if I tried hard enough I could twist them into animal shapes). I guess this reason would involve there being some sort of air valve similar to a mouth, so let's just say that this scenario involves my nipples having little clown mouths on them.

Reason 3: My nipples are little scared pansies (as in pussies/gutless scared little shits). Whenever they hear me sneeze and feel my body move violently, they get scared and try to escape and run away from my boobs. Maybe I need to get nipple armor and shackle them down so they stay put and understand that they can never escape the confines of my boobies.

Reason 4: My sneezing causes my boobs to jiggle against my clothes and so they feel under attack and retaliate.

Who knows? I wonder if everyone's nipples get hard when they sneeze. Maybe that's why some people have sneezing fetishes. Maybe they just KNOW that when someone sneezes, their little nips are violently rubbed against their clothes and are becoming titillated.

I think I'm going to go with number one though. It just makes the most sense.
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just putting it out there... [Jan. 6th, 2010|04:57 am]
I've started a blog over at http://mitathehermette.blogspot.com/. This is mostly because EVERYONE that is super spiffy that I follow on twitter has a blog on there. I need to get back into spilling my guts to the empty space of the internet.
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Trannies and Birfday Surprises [Aug. 19th, 2009|03:22 am]
[Current Location |80s musaq... wooo]

Fun stuff... we have 3 guests staying here that are actually dudes with boob jobs. Two of them are quite convincing actually.

Anyways, this dude just walked in, asked where a certain room was and I being the great employee I am, ask to verify the guest's name. He can't even give me a name at all! He got all sort of shifty and nervous when I sort of grilled him on the fact that he didn't even know a freaking FIRST name... at all! Anyways, I call up to the room and they say it's okay to send him up.

I direct him to the room. He comes back down maybe 1min or 2min later and sort of rushes out the door. My guess is that they found one another on craigslist and that

1) He either wanted to have a good time with some trannies he would pay for
2) They advertised that they were three hot girls looking for some fun

Either way, I get a call from the room asking why the guy hasn't shown up and I then tell her that he basically took off out the door haha. I'm thinking he either just plain ol' chickened out OR he heard them talking from outside the door and was like WTF haha...

The gal told me that he said I wouldn't let them up. DAMN LIAR haha.


My birfday is coming up and my mama sent me a box of goodies like she usually does. I opened it this morning thinking that it was going to be a bunch of snackies and cards and lil stuff like that. I love that lil stuff she always sends hehe.... BUT NOOOO... I open it up and there's a digital camera box. It doesn't hit me at first. I tell myself that she probably sent me something in my dad's digi camera box but then I notice the picture on the box and am like "my dad's camera isn't that one... OMG! THE BOX IS STILL SEALED... it's brand new!!!" and yeah... The surprises didn't end there though. My darling of a mama also sent me one of those fancy Italian charm bracelets! It's a special daughter themed one... it's darling. I have to get in the habit of wearing it though haha

There was also a singing Jonas Brothers' card lol... I have no idea why but yeah haha.

Not to worry though... I still did get a box of popcorn and some butterfinger snack stick things haha.

My family spoiled me this year. I'm ringing in my quarter of a century birthday in style I guess. I am blessed... I really do think it'll be the right thing to move back to CO. I miss my family and pals there too much! Besides, the freaking weather here has been so hot and it isn't all pretty and green any more :(. Seattle is losing its charm!
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THE WEINERS WEDDING! [Aug. 16th, 2009|04:20 am]
Today was Czarina's/Weiners' WEDDING! I feel so adult having a friend that is MARRIED. FAREEEAKY!

It was a really gorgeous ceremony. They had the traditional veil and wedding knot thing! What's cool is that Czarina and her man are actually involved in their church and didn't just get married there to have a pretty background/scenery for their wedding. It just made it all feel different. The priest actually knew who they heck they are and they had folks from the church community there at the service/ceremony!

I haven't been to mass in AGES...even though it was an Episcopal service (I grew up Catholic) some of the things were still the same. What really reminded me of the good ol' days is how people take the chance when hymns are sung to pretend they are freaking Celine Dion! You have all these old ladies and their shakey lil voices filling the air around ya... and then you have the occasional deep old man voice that is always sort of surprisingly impressive haha.

Brought me back to the days I spent at church listening to my mama falling behind on the words, pulling a Mr. Bean and mumbling through the parts that she forgot or couldn't keep up with in the book. Then of course, she'd belted out the parts that even non-church goers know haha. Me and my bro used to crack up for days listening to my mom sing in church. It usually resulted in a sharp elbow to our sides (well, as sharp as her pudgey lil elbow could get... pudgey elbows still deliver quite the solid blow to your ribs!) or a solid pinch. My mom is the best pincher ever! She has such strong hands that are able to grab a huge chunk of flesh and muscle all fast even when she's doing something else such as driving or singing in church :-p.

Back to the wedding, one of the bridesmaids was SMOKING hot in her outfit. I'm not into girls but seriously, everyone HAD to give her props and comment on how gorgeous she looked in the red bridesmaid dress. She's this tall white gal that used to do track or something and lift weights so she's all solid... and let me tell ya, she has THE perfect arse! It's like every guy's dream (unless he's into flat asses). She has no flab or cellulite or anything... just all solid. It's truly amazing. Watching all the old guys oogle her goodies when she walked down the isle was hilarious haha. She's even really pretty and cool too... gah... she just reels the dudes in haha.

The food was delicious, Filipino food served family style! It was awesome because the caterers brought all the food to the tables that had lazy susans in the middle of them! They had bottles of MEXICAN COCA COLA too!! It was basically an unlimited stash of that stuff and of fancier bottled beer and of course wine. I stuck to the pink lemonade that was basically like crack. I just KNOW my taste bud is going to go through withdrawl and bump up because I'm not going to be able to taste that flavor again!

The spiffiest part about the whole reception was that they rented a PHOTO BOOTH for the entire reception. You could basically take unlimited photobooth pictures (ya know, the kind that come out in black and white in lil strips). They had a photo album to put them in too and spaces for folks to write lil thangs. Everyone was allowed to take extras too and take them home as basically lil "remembrance" things for the wedding. The other unique thing about the reception was the freaking "cake"...It was basically tiers of fancy cupcakes (3 different flavors: chocolate w/ vanilla frosting & fancy lil chocolate sprinkles, yellow cake w/ jelly in it w/ peanut butter and jelly flavored frosting, and then of course, red velvet cupcakes!) They were basically orgasmic! The lil ceramic bride and groom on top of the whole thing were painted by Czarina and her man... it was darling because Czarina made her's all brown haha (she has beautiful golden tan skin).

Another funny part was when the gals that wanted to be in the bouquet toss had to sort of do Beyonce's Single Ladies dance haha... it was mostly just the lil hand thing... ya know... the puttin' a ring on it part haha. Other classic dancing moments that happened included the old adorable Filipino folks gettin down to the Electric Slide and Thriller haha.

Forgot yet ANOthEr spiffy part. Rather than having some cheesy slow dance song for the bride and groom's first dance, it was a swingishy sorta song SUNG by the Best Man!! It was soooo great! He got all into and they were just swinging around the dance floor! I just have to tip my hat to these two kids because they had such a unique wedding. They didn't spend a fortune but splurged on things that were really true to their sense of humor and who they are and yeah... it was just great!

Perhaps I'll eventually plop some photos on here to illustrate everything. As wary as I am about my pal marrying this fellah, I HAVE to admit that they are off to a great official start.

I've been up for over 24 hours so I haven't edited this and the grammar and writing is shit but eh... it's clear enough to record the memory for me. ( I had to work an 8 hour over night shift, which I'm at right now, after the wedding festivities... work folks are basically douche balls!)
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Insanely Awesome PICS! [Jul. 6th, 2009|11:16 pm]
[Current Music |PRINCE- 1999 hehe]

Hello lil chitlins!

My uncle always sends me some of the spiffiest e-mails with the coolest pictures. I just had to share these because I'm amazed!!!! hopefully I figure out the lj cut thang okay

Read more...Collapse )
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Michael Berryman!!! [Jun. 6th, 2009|10:37 pm]
[Current Mood |crazycrazy]

hehe, that's my favorite picture I've found of him online haha


There's a link to his IMDB thing... I SOOOO JUST CHIT CHATTED HIM UP HERE AT THE FRONT DESK!! He's in town for the Crypticon! He's really really really nice and has the most gentle voice ever! I COMPLETELY forgot he was in ONE FLEW OVER THE COOKOO'S NEST w/ Jack Nicholson.... HOLY SHIT... He told me about his experience on that movie and how it was one of the best times of his life... how he got to learn so much about his craft etc etc...

yeah... Um... lots of the Crypticon stars are staying here at the hotel! So far, I've given advice to one of the carpenter/setter uppers of the show of how to make his facial wound maggots look more real ^_^. I'm spiffy like that!

These con stars are nicer than the ones that were in town for the fantasy art one... those guys were all full of themselves...only one of the artists was really nice and friendly.

ANYHOOOOOOOO, um... that's all I have to update for now

I meet soooo many people with this job since we're right smack bam in Seattle by everything! WOOO WOOO
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Night of the Walking Stereotypes!! WEEEE [May. 25th, 2009|03:20 am]
[Current Mood |anxiousanxious]

TO START OFF, THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE... it's just random things I observed that made me want to scream "AND YOU WONDER WHY PEOPLE SAY AND ASSUME WHAT THEY DO!!"

Tonight's theme has been deemed "Live Up Your Stereotype"

It started off when I stumbled out my door and to the bus stop. I'm going to number the things I saw... it was just nuts!

1) The hipster douche ball with the "ironic" mustache... enough said.

2) The bitchy black bus driver lady that was all PMSy to everyone and almost shut me in the door before I even got a chance to step up all the steps... She is always bitchy but tonight she lived up to the whole bitchy "I'm the Queen of the Earth" stereotype black women get... annoying.

3) Gay male couple on the bus. One w/ a very "gay" voice... ya know, the type people usually use when impersonating a gay male...lisp included. They talked about interior decorating and their dogs...

Then I stepped off the bus only to be slapped in the face with a gajillion stereotypes.

1) Ghetto group of people standing on the street corner... this group just perpetuated the belief that all black people are loud mouthed folks. They had sub-categories in it
a)Bickering teenage couple screaming obscenities at one another while both being on the phone with other people at the same time. They proceeded to push and shove one another, the girl slapping the boy in the face repeatedly. The boy runs away and the girl shouts "stupid ass niggah motha fuckin niggah I'ma beat yo black ass"
b) Girl with a bootilicious booty proceeds to do the pop your ass dance... ya know, the one where you sorta squat down and make your butt cheeks bounce while sorta humping the air... she then proceeds to say "I'm gonna make my ass clap cuz I ain't got fuck to do" and proceeds to make her ass cheeks clap... working it like a stripper on a pole
c) My ears then get flooded with insane amounts of ebonics... crazy shit...
d) Boys with their jeans hanging down to their knees... NO EXAGGERATING! They were trying to rap... sadness >_<

2) OF COURSE all that had to happen while the whitest white people out and about were walking by at that very moment. In a very nerdy white guy voice, I heard a man say "Oh my goodness Bob, there's lots of 'color' out tonight." Then all the white folks proceed to bunch up into a tight lil ball as if to barricade themselves from any harm that could be gained from passing a group of loud mouthed black kids.

3) Group of folk life hippy annoying kids come running across the street...overly giddy...smelly...LOUD... ya know... basically your typical white festival goer here in Seattle

4) Hispanic looking man then proceeds to cat call some "chick" (I think it was a trans person... looked more like a dude) while the poor chick just sorta freaks out and tries to ignore his advances. He basically reinforced the stereotype that all hispanic men are hornballs that hit on ANY woman... *sigh*

5)THEN I see douchey lil cops on bicycles trying to chase down a kid on a long board cruising down the street... hopping from side walk to street... zooming like crazy...It was fun seeing those lil cops sausaged into their bicycle outfits trying to chase down the lil "punk" haha.

THEN... At work I thought I'd be free of all the annoyances but NOOO...

1) Black girl working is all on her cell phone (this is strictly prohibited)... letting the phone ring and ring...reservations pile up that she was supposed to put in the system... be rude and act bothered to potential guests coming in... seriously...

Maybe you guys won't understand all the stereotypes that were reinforced tonight because I haven't communicated the situations properly... I'm TIRED OKAY!!! I drank a cup o' tea and a cup of hot chocolate AND a bottle of coke... AND I AM STILL TIRED... shitballs son... SHIT BALLS.

AND OF COURSE... I'm sure I looked all annoying myself too. I was carrying a lunch box... my hair disheveled...I think I'm the only girl that leaves the house without looking in the mirror once haha. OH YEAH, I was also the annoying douche on the bus texting like a maniac...SEEEEEE... I can be a douche too :)

I have a feeling this post made no sense but that's okay! It felt good to write it :)
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Sexual Intercourse W/ a Monk [May. 11th, 2009|03:35 am]
[Current Mood |boredbored]

I'm at work listening to the "AURA" channel on the musaq and I LOVES it... it occasionally throws in some Enya, wooden flute stuff... angelic singing vaginas... ya know... all that stuff :-p Basically, some of the songs make me feel as I if I should be having sexual intercourse with a monk or someone equally as holy and peaceful haha.

I forgot to record the momentous occasion where I heard my lil gay neighbor getting down and dirty with his new guy pal. I HEARD IT ALL. I think his couch is on the other side of my wall which is RIGHT BY MY HEAD. A good example of how thin the walls are: I can hear when he gets an IM on his computer :-/... At first, I thought that maybe it was just someone stretching or yawning ya know... then I thought it was the tele... THEN I thought it was just a regular blow job session BUT NOOOOOO...both of them were TALKING... you can't talk as clearly as they did when you have a peter all up in your mouth and in the back of your throat! I'm guessing it was either mutual hand jobs OR the DEEEED... I'm thinking it was the DEEEED because they were getting really into it! After I heard my lil neighbor get his berries off I decided enough was enough and hopped out of bed and went upstairs since his pal sounded as if he was still going strong... who knows how long it lasted. I didn't want to sit there and find out.

My roomy informed me that she too has had sex moans thrown at her ears but instead, from the middle-to-late aged neighbors upstairs! HAHA! Unlike her, I KNEW that when they tossed on the sexy R&B GETTIN IT ON music, it was time to head down to my room lol. Must be something in the air hehe.


-I'm sort of contemplating becoming a therapist or something haha... people always just end up spilling their guts to me and letting it all hang out. WHICH IS FABULOUS because frankly, I'm NOSY as all hell and LOVE hearing other people's business. I think it's partly because I don't have much going on in my own life but either way, it keeps me entertained!

-My mamacita has had juicy stuff going on at her work place and has spilled the beans to me! She works at the school that me and my bro attended from k-8th grade. It's a poor private Catholic "Sun School" in metro Denver, which means that lots of ghetto ass kids go there etc etc... but heck, it is certainly better than the public schools in metro Denver that's for sure! ANYHOOOOO, the 8th grade chitlins went on a retreat for Confirmation which is coming up right around the bend. It was an overnight thang in some fancy retreat place, and the gist of the story is that two kids were busted right in the middle of a blow job session! (I still can't get over how kids these days are giving out blow jobs left and right... it's no big deal any more... my generation at least waited until high school!!!) The shit hit the fan and the kids got suspended for the rest of the year and were also no longer allowed to participate in any of the end of year activities but believe me, that ain't the half of it!

A meeting was held with both sets of parents (they happened to not speak English... my mama acts as the school's translator so yeah... she basically had to translate the word "blow job" to the parents haha!), the principal, the teacher, AND THE PRIEST!!!! Can you imagine!?!? They made the kids tell everyone what they did themselves in front of all those all at the meeting! Tears were shed, eyes delivered daggers etc etc, but of course the best part/most unbelievable part was when the boy asked everyone for forgiveness (the girl refused to apologize and say sorry to any one) and the PRIEST said "I cannot forgive you for what you have done." WHAT THE HELL!?!?!

True, these kids broke the rules when they were supposed to be on a religious retreat but SERIOUSLY... THE PRIEST refusing to spread forgiveness?!?! He should have just said that at this time he does not believe they are ready to be confirmed but that he forgives them for their actions. He's supposed set the freaking example. Luckily my mama was there to tell the poor kid that she forgave him and appreciated his apology. Frankly, while I'm really disgusted with the actions of the chitlins, I am MORE appalled by the priest's actions. He should be beat with a limp wet noodle or something... what a douche! I just had to record and share this story... I found it interesting

That isn't the only "sex" story at the school. Apparently there's a little 2nd grade boy that just LOVES whoring around and kissing all the lil girls. There was one little girl that refused to whore herself out for a good chunk of time, BUT eventually gave in. The two lil chitlins were caught behind a wall just smooching away lol. When being scolded by the principal, the little girl denied that she actually wanted to be kissed by the boy but that she just did it anyway. When the lil gal was asked if she understood that she was equally responsible for what went on, the little girl had a response that was so adorable! She said the following, "Yes. We were naughty like Adam and Eve. I'm like Adam. Adam decided he wanted the apple too, so it was his fault too for making God angry." SERIOUSLY... I would have busted out laughing if I saw a lil tiny 2nd grade kid saying this haha. My mom said that at least they all know the religion classes are doing a good job, even when it comes to teaching the little kids.

-Um, yeah... not much else to report!! I've been taking lots of pictures again which is good for my soul! I am currently addicted to ORANGE flavored GATORADE... mmmm... nectar of the gods right now haha. ta ta for now!
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okay... WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?! [May. 3rd, 2009|04:05 am]
[Current Mood |scaredscared]

Okay... I RARELY say what the fuck, but SERIOUSLY... It's so necessary.

I just got this text from my roomy:

"Hi Hon! I got scared an locked the basement door...so come in through the upstairs and also don't go to the basement till it's light"

OKAY WHAT THE HELL!?!? I didn't even tell my roomy about my nightmares or anything! What the hell!?!? Yeah, she's a bit of a scaredy cat at times, and maybe it's cuz she's there all alone tonight but I don't know... I'm seriously freaked the fudge out right now!

I wonder if she heard something down there or just got bad mojo when she went and did some laundry... I have a wicked imagination and let me tell you, the wheels are turning...

Please pray for me. I'm really afraid to go home and back to my room IN THE DEEP DARK BASEMENT!!!!! I might have to sleep with the lights on and whatnot... This sucks. :(.

I thought maybe my crazy dreams were because I haven't taken my meds in a few days but um... YEAH... HELP! Keep me in your positive thoughts and send positive vibes. Maybe someone took out a voodoo doll of me or something... seriously... okay I'm going to stop freaking myself out!! :(
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